forty.

40. Wow. It really is a milestone and I am shocked that it got here this fast.

Most people know that on your birthday, your friends and family provide a day-long love fest via Facebook. There really isn’t anything better. Texts, emails, phone calls, flowers, and Facebook messages galore. Heck, even the guy who checks people in at the gym wished me a happy birthday!

One of my friends commented about how we spent my 30th birthday together. Was that really 10 years ago?

It made me think about other momentous birthday’s.

In 2003, I celebrated being 30 and single! with a group of friends at one of my favorite neighborhood pubs. I also really regretted living on the 3rd floor of an apartment building.

In 2007, I interviewed for (and later was offered) a job.

In 2001, I spent my birthday in Paris. Ooh, la, la.

In 1994, I drove to Key West with a great group of friends for Spring Break.

Now, in 2013, I am very content to eat dinner with my loves (little and big), hopefully enjoy a glass of vino, and some cake. I know that a party is being planned for me this weekend, but I have been told to butt out and let someone else plan it.

 

bday pic

 

Not the best picture of us, but sometimes being with the ones you love & that love you back is more important.

Waking up

I try to work out in the mornings. Early. 5:15am or 5:30am. Pitch black, warm bed, sleeping children, whirring fan, comfy pj’s. It is hard to leave the comforts of home, but I try to remind myself that it’s only an hour. I’m only waking up an hour’ish earlier than I normally would.

Some days I listen to myself better than others.

One thing that I love about a morning workout is driving through my neighborhood and watching it wake up. After I’m done and on my way home, around 6:30 or so, I see a few dog walkers, kitchen lights on, the blue screen of a TV sharing the news. I picture sleepy-eyed children, showers steaming up, coffee brewing, phones being checked. Watching it all makes me feel like I’m in on this little secret ritual of everyone’s day.

I’m a little envious of the houses that are still dark, or those that are quietly easing into the day. I know that as soon as I hit the door, there are requests for ponytails, showers to be had, and schedules to discuss. But that is OK … it’s our ritual and then I wonder if someone is peeking in on us.

Authenticity

I’m going to preface this by saying that  this original post has been in my drafts since Feb. 2011. I still don’t have the answer and it’s nearly 2 years later.

This past Sunday, we had a similar conversation at church in our small group aka Sunday School class. We all have different names, wear different titles, but who are we at our core, who is our authentic self. How do we learn how to just be ourselves.

This topic really weighed on me throughout the day and I guess I feel like I should know the answer. I know the titles that I wear: Mom, wife, daughter, sister, employee, volunteer, friend, etc. You could even add things like southerner and runner. But I feel like those are all just titles, or things that I do. Am I really different than any other Mom/Sister/Wife/Friend? We may do things differently, but that title certainly doesn’t make me unique.

Now, at nearly 40 (gulp), shouldn’t I know who I am? I will say, it was refreshing to see that others felt the same way, or that they had a hard time being themselves. I think from early on, we are taught what is “right” and “wrong” or “different” or “weird.” It’s very hard to find yourself as a 13-year-old and figure out that you are different. You just want to fit in, be liked, have approval of whomever is important to you. It’s probably much the same for 40 year olds comparing ourselves to others with the requisite house, 2.5 kids, minivan, a dog, a cat, and swim club membership.

Crap, and I still don’t have that other .5 of a kid.

Original post – 

I attended a Junior League women’s leadership training earlier this week with two friends. I love their company and I was glad that they agreed to go with me.
The speaker’s session was titled “Imagine You, Leading” and one of the first things she had us do was fill out/draw information about yourself. I wonder if anyone else heard the audible “ugggh” that came out of my chair.
I did agree with her statement about that we are all leaders … in our work, homes, churches, volunteer groups, social groups, etc.
But, I had the hardest time coming up with my list and found it easier to not take it too seriously.
What am I good at? I did say diaper changing and one of my friends said pumping. I can say that she really is good at pumping and I’m probably just OK at diaper changes.
How do I enjoy spending my free time? Ummm, reading, running, and drinking wine?
What is my life’s vision? Silence.
Can you answer this question?
I’ve never been one of those people who always knew what they wanted to be. Throughout my life, I can remember wanting to be a Veternarian, Fashion Designer, Artist, Writer, Public Relations Guru for Nike, Calligrapher, Stationery Store Owner, Stay at Home Mom, and a vagabond that works at Yellowstone National Park in the Summer and Jackson Hole all winter.
Do I know what I want to be? Is it crazy that I am almost 38(!) years old and I can’t answer this question?
This question spurred another conversation about who is the authentic Susan. Hell if I know.
So, I ask you, do you know who is the authentic you? If so, was it an aha moment, or just something that you have always known? I really hope this isn’t a mid-life crisis coming upon me.
Just wanted to post this to see if there are others out there that feel this way ~ I really didn’t mean to get all Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy on a Tuesday night.
I promise I will get back to tales of marathon training blisters, what flavor Gu is the best, how two four-year-olds can trash a house in .2 seconds, and what Zoe has pilfered off the counter this week.

Still here.

I’ve heard from a few friends wondering what happened to the blog. Well, it’s still here, I’m still here, just haven’t made the time to write in the last, oh, six weeks! How did that happen!?

Life in a nutshell …

Busy time as President-Elect for the Junior League: writing a speech, giving a speech, preparing a board retreat, lots of meetings, burning up the phone, traveling to Philly, and trying to make time for some strategic/big picture thinking.

Working part-time … from home, thank goodness.

The girls are amazing. Growing up. Almost 3. Independent, funny, sweet, communicating, lots of pretend-play, hugs and kisses, tantrums and foot stomping. Typical almost 3 year old behavior.

We had a busy weekend … pool, yard work, church, coffee, run with friends, burgers on the grill, seasonal summer beers, popsicles in the freezer. Lots of fun and much needed.

Hopefully, I can get back in the swing of this soon. I miss writing, but often find myself with nothing to write about, so I just read more blogs.

>Blog, neglected.

>

I’m still here and still checking your blogs … just not updating mine.

I’ll fill you in on the latest. I feel like this post is one large whiny rambling, but maybe I’ll just hit publish instead of save and be done with it.

I’ve been busy feeding hungry children and helping adults learn to read through my position with the Junior League. Oh, ok … so I’m not single-handedly doing this, but our organization is. Doesn’t that sound better than saying I’m going to meetings every morning and night? Is handedly a word? I’m not complaining … it is all very rewarding, but my schedule has been a bit crazy to say the least.

I’ve also been thinking about my personal vision statement. This could be an entire post, but it all relates back to a seminar I recently attended and the speaker asked if we had our own personal vision for our life. I could hear the crickets chirping in my head. Do you have one? I truly had to joke my way through that seminar, even when I’m sure I should have been taking it seriously.

Maddy and Libby have learned to open our back door, and while they haven’t escaped just yet, the dogs are certainly enjoying this new skill.
I have a knot on the back of my neck … does this mean I need a massage, or is it a tumor?
I also have a cold. Boooo. It’s definitely not making me feel like doing anything that I need to do and I’ve been injesting large amounts of Vitamin C, cold medicine, saline nasal spray, and graham crackers. Not that graham crackers will cure a cold, but for some reason they taste pretty good.
It’s 9:28, off to refill my water bottle, put the doggies to bed, take some more cold medicine, and go to bed. Night-night.

>This will be mine

>Not the good cheekbones, but my very own Warrior Dash helmet! Hubby and I, along with another couple we know signed up last night. Laura C will also participating in her 3rd, so I know it will be a party.

Oh my gosh.
Am I crazy? Probably.
Will this be something I’m proud to tell my Grand kids about? Most definitely.
Have I figured out how I’m training for this? No idea.
Am I thinking about the many places I can wear this helmet? Of course.
Am I excited? Hell, yeah.

>Mysteries

>I’m still trying to figure out how the Goldfish are lasting so much longer than they did before.

Hmmm, maybe I really was eating half the box for lunch and not admitting it to myself.

I, Susan D. haven’t had one yummy goldfish cracker in nearly 5 days. I can count the little achievements, right?

Posted in Uncategorized Tagged

>Ok, so I lied.

>That 5 pounds that I said I wasn’t going to worry about? Well, that was a lie.

I do want to lose a few pounds and be more healthy (through the cleaner eating, running, exercise, etc.)

Will I stress if I never have a flat stomach again? No. I’ll just keep pulling my jeans up over my twin-skin and know that it will be OK.

Hubby has joined a weight loss challenge with some friends, so if one of us is going to be watching what we eat; it’s just as easy for both of us.

Plus, I was already paying for my Weight Watchers online membership, I decided to log back into today and use it.

So far, so good. The first day is always hard and it took every smidgen of self control that I had not to eat Maddy and Libby’s leftover goldfish. (I didn’t.) Hubby and I also did the P90X DVD tonight which was a hard, but good workout.

So, here’s to coming clean about my lie-filled resolutions.